Oh these times are hard.
This is kind of adorable.
I am not perfect. I don’t think I’m beautiful. I try to hard to be someone I’m not. I work too hard. I let people take advantage of me. I let people treat me poorly. I forgive too easily. I let people get to me easily. I’m a helpless romantic. I just want to be loved. I want freedom. I get poor grades. I don’t prioritize well. I have never felt needed or wanted. I don’t get along with my family. I take advantage of my mom.. I have a spending problem.
I wish that actually existed! I don’t wanna ever grow up. I have been thinking a lot about growing up and making my own family… But it is scaring the crap out of me… I can’t wake up every couple hours to a baby crying.. I can’t deal with kids crying… I can’t be responsible for others when I’m barely responsible enough to handle myself. I can’t work my butt off for a week and have my paycheck go to bills.. I can’t make my husband be married to me forever. I would love if he stayed around and was with me through it all but these days who knows how long marriages will last.. it is a scary thought. It’s because I put these standards in my head that I want to meet, but aren’t ideal. I am reaching for the stars right now. Hope for the best I guess. God, give me strength! And a little push to get me motivated to do the things I want in life.
I’m kind of getting sick of the whole working thing. I never do anything but work. And its like… Well what would I do if I didn’t work? I couldn’t do much because everything costs money. But how did I do it? I didn’t always have a job… But I did keep myself busy with after school activities I guess. I need to pick up a cheap hobby. Honestly. I think working at jersey mike’s is taking a toll on my communication skills. I used to LOVE just being with people. Now all I wanna do is sleep, and be around one person at a time. Sometimes I get in party mode. Idk its all so confusing.
